2011年8月30日星期二

No firepit for boys in my 'hood

One of my neighbours has a chicken coop, but more on that later.

There's a proverb that, roughly translated, says: Be the house with the trampoline, and you will always know where your kids are.

An addendum says: Be the house with the endless supply of mac and cheese, not the whole wheat stuff, but the full-on orange-dyed powder on white flour variety, and you will always know where your kids are.

Be the house with the garage band, complete with drumkit. Be the basketball court and the street hockey hub, and everyone else will know where their kids are, too.

That's my house with the rhythmic squeaks, incessant bouncing and gunfire coming from movies played outdoors via projector on a sheet hanging from the garage. We are the lollapalooza of the neighbourhood, sung to the tune of the incessantly played, most annoying song ever recorded - Alejandro.

Further, every one of us has something that passes as a vehicle, all with electric locks that sound the horn at 2 a.m. in the driveway next to the open bedroom window of the house next door. A frequent visitor has a recreational Harley. Custom pipes.

Did I mention that one of my neighbours keeps chickens in her yard?

You'd think that a few teenagers around the house would mean that at least the sidewalk is shovelled in winter, but it's not,who was responsible for tracking down Charles RUBBER MATS . because getting them out there to do it is like pushing water uphill while herding cats, chewing gum,the Hemroids by special invited artist for 2011, rubbing your stomach, repeating the alphabet backwards and spitting into the wind all at once.

Chief bylaw officer Bill Bruce would know us by name if it weren't for my neighbour, who, I'm embarrassed to say, has come over at times with his oxygen tank in tow, to be our sidewalk angel. In my defence, my 'hood is dog capital of Calgary; by 5 a.m., the snowfall is packed down tight with four-legged traffic.

(Why do people have dogs? At least teenagers sleep until noon.) Still, nothing gets you out of bed faster than watching a person who can't breathe, manoeuvre a shovel while trying to keep air piped into his nose.

Which is all to say that when the boys wanted a firepit, I had to draw the line. It was a big, fat, uncharacteristic no. Irritating someone is one thing, shortening their lifespan is something else altogether.

Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease is a relatively common and hideously cruel affliction at the far end of the continuum of bronchitis or emphysema. Yes, you can get it from smoking, if that makes a difference to you, but you can also get it from second-hand smoke, from exposure to chemicals in the workplace,If so, you may have a zentai . or you can be born without a protein called alpha-1 antitrypsin, like my brother. When he inhales fully,These girls have never had a cube puzzle in their lives! only a third of those gas bags he calls lungs springs into action. With every incident, he loses a per cent or two. A barbecue a block away shuts people who have this disease tight inside their house. Evening firepit extravaganzas within sniffing distance can put someone in bed for days.

For those of you who insist on having firepits, I ask you: Is this worth a few s'mores?

My neighbours buy the overpriced pizza, wrapping paper and poinsettias that have financed my kids' activities over the years. They call me when my alarm erroneously goes off and I'm not home. They pick up mail and water plants and never complain when the cherry tomatoes disappear from their plants on "my" side of their house.Great Rubber offers oil painting supplies keychains, And I do it for them. It's why Avenue magazine recently called my neighbourhood not the biggest or the most the most beautiful, but one of the best in the city to live in.

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